


In My Veins

by SmoakingGreenArrow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), olicity - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 03:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7388407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmoakingGreenArrow/pseuds/SmoakingGreenArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between seasons 2 and 3, OTA deals with the death of one of their close friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In My Veins

“There has to be something that we can do.” Felicity said, her voice shaky as her eyes flickered from the gravestone to Oliver. He could see the tears welling up behind her beautiful blue eyes, and his heart couldn’t take much more of it, seeing her in pain.

He shook his head slowly, “There’s nothing we can do, Felicity…” He reached his hand towards her, to touch the small of her back, but as soon as his skin touched her, she recoiled. She stepped away from his touch, but continued to stare at the grave. He watched as her lip began to quiver and tears began to fall. He lifted his hand again, and then shoved them into his pockets to keep himself from touching her. “Felicity…” He tried, but he had no words.

It was physically painful for him to watch her cry and know that he couldn’t touch her. She didn’t want his comfort. She choked on a sob, her hand flying to her mouth.

And then he saw her break. He saw her crumble right on the grass, falling to her knees. Oliver’s own tears fell at the sight of the strongest woman he knew so broken. He knelt down beside her, and this time she let him run his fingers over her back, smoothing her hair and kissing her temple. He didn’t dare tell her that everything was going to be okay. He knew that she wouldn’t want to hear it or even believe him. The pain in her eyes…he’d felt it too often in his life. And he knew that there were no words to fix that kind of brokenness.

Oliver knelt beside her for two hours with his arms around her, but her crying didn’t stop at all. In fact, it only got louder, more pained…to the point that Felicity sounded like she couldn’t breathe. “Shh, shh, shh,” He soothed. Oliver didn’t hesitate as he lifted her, holding her in his arms and carrying her to the car. She clung to his neck as he walked, and he couldn’t imagine letting her go, so he maneuvered his way into the car and settled her onto his lap.

As they made their way to the foundry, Oliver soothed her, rubbing her back and murmuring in her ear, telling her to just breathe, to relax, that he was there. He wasn’t sure that he was even helping at first, but after a couple of minutes, she quieted, her breathing getting slower. He couldn’t see her face, it was tucked into his neck, but her tight grip on him loosened, and he could tell that she had fallen asleep.

Once he reached the foundry, he carried her past Diggle, who sat at the table with his head in his hands, not even looking up as they entered. Oliver carried Felicity into the back room and laid her on his cot. He pulled the blanket around her and brushed her hair out of her tear soaked face before closing the door to let her rest. Once in the main room, Oliver took the bottle of vodka and two glasses out of his chest. He placed the shot in front of Diggle, sliding it over the table and taking the seat across from him. Diggle glanced up, debating about the alcohol for a moment before sighing and picking up his glass. He lifted it towards Oliver before downing it. Oliver followed suit. “It was never supposed to be him,” Diggle mumbled as he slammed his glass to the table, his voice hoarse from the alcohol.

Oliver hesitated, doing his best now to comfort Dig. He was trying to hold it together for everyone, when all he wanted to do was scream, cry, or break something. Or someone. “I know,” he coked out.

Oliver poured another shot for each of them, and they took those in silence. And then they sat. Oliver didn’t know what to say to Felicity, and he didn’t know what to say to Diggle either. He felt helpless. For someone who was very familiar with losing people, he felt absolutely useless when it came to comforting someone else. He was used to his own pain, letting the deaths make his own demons that he had to fight. But how could he save them?

“She’s not doing very well, is she?” Diggle asked.

Oliver shook his head, “When it happened…she couldn’t believe it. I had to tell her five times that he was dead, Diggle.” Oliver’s voice darkened, “I can tell that she’s blaming herself, I just can’t figure out why. I don’t know why she would ever feel guilty for this. I don’t know how to tell her she shouldn’t, if I can’t figure out why she blames herself in the first place. And I don’t know what to do for her…what to say.”

“All you can do is be there, man. That’s all any of us can do for each other.”

“There has to be something that we can do,” Her small voice had them both turning as she repeated the words she’d said to him at the grave. When Oliver looked at her, her eyes were only on him.

He stood immediately and crossed the room to reach her. “It’s okay, Felicity,” he tried, placing his hands on either side of her face.

She gave him a frustrated sigh and broke out of his grip, “It’s not _okay_ , Oliver.” She argued, focusing on bargaining with Dig now, "We have to try!“

Diggle shook his head, “He’s gone, baby girl. I’m so sorry.” Oliver could tell that the sympathy in Dig’s voice and eyes only fueled anger in her.

“So you’re just going to give up!?” She shouted, and Dig stiffened as he met her fiery gaze with a cold glare. Oliver stepped forward, not sure what was going to happen but knowing that one of them would end up regretting it. “You’re not even going to try?” She seethed.

“I did try, Felicity,” Diggle argued, his voice low.

“Not hard enough. He’s dead.” Her voice was flat, accusing…but her eyes wavered, and Oliver could tell that she wasn’t comfortable with those words. She was in denial.

Oliver put his hands on her shoulders, “Hey,” he tried to step in.

 Diggle jumped to his feet. “I was right there! I watched him die, don’t you get that!? We can’t bring him back!”

“It’s _Roy_!”

The room fell silent as Oliver’s two best friends glared at each other.

His heart broke at her plea, like she believed that since it was Roy who had died, they could turn back time to change it.

“There’s nothing we can do, Felicity. He’s gone…accept that.” Diggle said.

Felicity’s anger vanished, a deep sigh escaping her whole body, and Oliver was glad that he had a hold on her, because her legs shook and she wavered. Dig took a deep breath, all of his anger diminishing too. Diggle quickly pulled Felicity to his chest. They didn’t speak, and Oliver knew that the words they had exchanged would need some recovery time. Felicity turned to Oliver, her eyes vacant, “Just take me home, please.” Oliver nodded once.

She kissed Dig on the cheek as she passed, heading for the stairs. Oliver squeezed his shoulder, “Go home, John. We’ll see you tomorrow.” Oliver’s eyes flickered to Felicity as she slowly made her way up the stairs.

She let him lead her out of Verdant and into the car. She didn’t say a word, but Oliver felt her hand on his shoulder while he drove. She had her head resting on her seat, her head turned and looking out of her window, but her hand slid to his where it gripped the steering wheel. Oliver released his grip, turning his hand to hold hers, and he heard her sigh as she pulled his hand into her lap, continuing to sit in silence.

When they got to her townhouse, he followed her inside, placing her purse on the table and hesitating in the doorway. He watched as she stepped out of her shoes and removed her jacket. “Will you be okay tonight? Not okay, but…okay alone?” A big part of him was hoping that she would say no. He didn’t want her to be alone. He didn’t want to be alone. And a bigger, more selfish side of him knew that he wanted to be the one to stay and hold her.

Felicity nodded once.

“All right,” he stepped towards her and kissed her cheek. “Well goodnight, Felicity.” He said, turning for the door.

“You could stay.”

Her words froze him.

“Is that what you want?” He asked. She nodded. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do, Felicity. I just want to be here for you.”

“You are,” her eyes softened slightly. She took his hand again, pulling him towards the couch and sitting down. She cuddled up to his side, and he opened his arm for her. While she settled her head onto his chest, Oliver pulled the blanket from the couch and draped it over her. “Oliver…” She started.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry for how I acted today.”

He shook his head, “Don’t be. Grief isn’t easy, or the same for anyone. People say goodbye in their own way. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“Everything is different now. I miss him. I can’t believe Roy’s gone,” Oliver could hear her voice rising, panic beginning its way into her all over again. It broke his heart to see her like that.

“I miss him, too, Felicity. Just try to sleep.” He soothed, his fingers caressing her hair like he’d done earlier. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Felicity picked her head up and met his gaze, her face only inches from his. “I don’t want to sleep.” She said, her voice soft.

Oliver’s brow furrowed, “Do you want to talk…about Roy?” She shook her head.

He looked at her in confusion for another moment before Felicity leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. It was the most innocent, sweet, and _passionate_ kiss he had ever received. When she pulled away, her eyes opened and met his. “I don’t want to lose you,” She sighed, her eyes brimming with tears.

He shook his head, “I’m right here.”

Felicity buried her face into his neck, “Oliver…when I was on the comm…and I heard…I thought it was you. I thought that I lost you.” Oliver took a moment to piece her words together, muffled since her lips were against his neck.

“When Roy died…”

She nodded into the crook of his neck. Oliver could feel her wet tears on his skin and he sighed, lifting her chin to look at him. "Felicity…none of this is your fault.“

She pulled back, sitting up so that she could face him straight on. "When I realized that you were okay…I felt so _relieved._ ”

He shook his head, wiping her tears away as his eyebrows furrowed, “What happened to Roy isn’t your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty for, Felicity.” When her silent tears turned into crying, he mumbled, “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to feel guilty for being relieved.”

She sighed, dropping her hands into her lap, “I’ve just never felt anything like that. My heart stopped when I thought you were dead, and then I just felt so happy when I heard your voice, and then my whole body was frozen in terror when you said Roy was hurt.”

“That must have felt like a rollercoaster, Felicity. I’m sorry that any of this happened.” She nodded, looking down at her hands in her lap. He sighed, feeling frustrated and sad that he couldn’t change things.

“Oliver, I don’t _ever_ want to lose you.” She said, lifting her head up slightly to look at him over her glasses. He took a deep breath, not wanting to promise her that he’d be there forever. He knew death well. He’d escaped it, seen it, and been tortured by it. And he knew that it could have just as easily been him that night. “I know you won’t say it,” she breathed, “I know that you can’t convince me the life you lead won’t kill you…even if you tried. So thank you for not trying.”

He stared into her eyes, “I can’t make that promise.” He said slowly, “But I do love you…”

Her eyes were glued to his, but to his surprise…she didn’t look surprised at all. She looked relieved, accepting. “I love you too.” She whispered. Oliver hesitated, wondering if he’d heard her right. Slowly, he lifted his hands and cupped her face, watching as she sighed, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch.


End file.
